I’ve had something on my mind yesterday evening and today. I think God is trying to show me something. I’m not sure I can articulate it in a way that anyone can understand, beyond me. But I’m going to try.

Yesterday on the way back from a business meeting Eileen pulls off onto a back road and gets out of the car, makes me get out and into the drivers seat. And made me drive. (20 miles. Back roads) Now for those that don’t know, I don’t drive. I don’t have my license. I don’t know that I want it.  When I was a teenager we never had the money to pay for drivers ed. Then after I became an adult… I figured I’ve gone this long without it. My mom doesn’t drive. Her mom didn’t drive til she was 65. I don’ t know it’s just not something I thought was really important. Or so I thought.

Sitting here I feel like God showed me something. In regards to my writing. (Yes I know I keep changing subjects. Stay with me.) I feel like He showed me the different levels all my friends are in regards to writing.  And where I am and where I should be right now.

He showed me how I hate having anyone above me. Below me is alright, even with me is alright, but above me, I can’t handle it. I hate showing a weakness in needing help. Admitting that I don’t have a clue or am scared and don’t know what I am doing or what I should be doing. So as long as I do nothing I’m okay. I’m even with them… now this is just downright stupid because that isn’t the case at all but it’s how my mind works.

Am I making any sense? Okay. Here you go.

In regards to driving. I waited so long to do anything about it and as a result I’m scared out of my ever loving mind to do it. But I can’t say that because hello that makes me weak and puts someone over me. As long as I act as if I don’t care that puts me on even footing with them.

With writing. I’ve watched friends who started out knowing less than me or was at the same level as me and now they have all surpassed me. Is it because they are better than me? Nope. Is it because they have more talent? Nope. (All though on that one I’m not all that sure, I have some awesomely talented friends.) It’s because I hate showing weakness and can’t ask for help.  Just think where I would be if it wasn’t for that. I sabotage myself.

SO I have to learn how to not do that…

Blessings y’all!

 

Hi Sweetie,
Wow!
You know I am here if you ever need me, to talk, to brainstorm, to eat chocolate with, :)
Hugs!

YOU. BLOGGED. WOO HOO. LOL

Just wondering....why do you consider receiving help a weakness?

Robin brings up a good question. I do understand you, but it's true--I think you have to consider the deeper reason behind why you think receiving help is a weakness. I suffer from the same thing--it's the reason I need time out before I open a crit from someone--but it's getting better for me. If you need prayer, I'm here for you.
Love you,
Camy

I love all God is doing in you, Heather. It is constand, new, fresh, and big! For someone who loves being independent and doesn't want to ask for help, I'd think driving would be a blessing!! LOL

Dependence, when properly placed, is a beautiful thing. Our Father loves it when we ask for help and when we lean hard on Him. And sometimes the help He sends comes through the people he places in our life.
Dang the fear and the pride that makes it hard for us to ask for the help we need...

I'm proud of you, Heather. Keep driving, both in your car and in your writing, and don't be too bullheaded to ask for directions. LOL (Thinking of the men in my life who won't stop for directions . . .)

Hey girl,
You are so far ahead of the game to recognize that now. Wish I had in my twenties. God has yanked the very same carpet out from under me in this writing journey. You're growing so fantastically. I'm so proud of you and proud to be your friend.
Love you!

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